George walks into the locker room about to play a round and meets his pal Fred, who’s just finished.
‘Hello mate, how did you play?’ he asks.
Fred says: ‘I started eight, eight, eight, eight, nine.’
‘Nine?’ says George, with surprise.
‘Well’, says Fred: ‘I’m not a bloody machine.’
Anonymous golf sayings:
Drive for show, Putt for dough, Shank for comic relief.
Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the players well.
Real golfers know how to count over five, when they have a bad hole.
Real golfers don’t miss putts, they get robbed.
In golf as in life, it’s the follow through that makes the difference.
Golf is an easy game… it’s just hard to play.
Real golfers don’t cry when they line up their fourth putt.
If there is any larceny in man, golf will bring it out.
I play with friends, but we don’t play friendly games.
Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club don’t you?
As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.
The fun you get from golf is in direct ratio to the effort you don’t put into it.
Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course, the space between your ears.
Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.’
If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.
The only shots you can be dead sure of are those you’ve had already.
The golf swing is like sex. You can’t be thinking about the mechanics of the act while you are performing.
Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at.
The harder you work, the luckier you get.
I’m hitting the woods just great, but I’m having a terrible time getting out of them.
Golf is not and has never has been a fair game.
I think I fail just a bit less than everyone else.