Golf
jokes collated from various sources
Almost perfect:
George walks into the locker room about to play a
round and meets his pal Fred, who's just finished.
'Hello mate, how did you play?' he asks.
Fred says: 'I started eight, eight, eight, eight,
nine.'
'Nine?' says George, with surprise.
'Well', says Fred: 'I'm not a bloody machine.'
Anonymous golf sayings:
Drive for show, Putt for dough, Shank for comic relief.
Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the
players well.
Real golfers know how to count over five, when they
have a bad hole.
Real golfers don't miss putts, they get robbed.
In golf as in life, it's the follow through that makes
the difference.
Golf is an easy game... it's just hard to play.
Real golfers don't cry when they line up their fourth
putt.
If there is any larceny in man, golf will bring
it out.
Ben Hogan
I play with friends, but we don't play friendly games.
Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have
to grip the club don't you?
As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell
the roses, for you only get to play one round.
Bob Allen
The fun you get from golf is in direct ratio to the
effort you don't put into it.
Bobby Jones
Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch
course, the space between your ears.
Bob Hope
Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives
of some of our most useless citizens.'
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's
recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
Byron Nelson
The only shots you can be dead sure of are those you've
had already.
Dave Hill
The golf swing is like sex. You can't be thinking
about the mechanics of the act while you are performing.
Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and
the easiest to cheat at.
Gary Player
The harder you work, the luckier you get.
Harry Tofcano
I'm hitting the woods just great, but I'm having a
terrible time getting out of them.
Jack Nicklaus
Golf is not and has never has been a fair game.
I think I fail just a bit less than everyone else.
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